Monday, August 7, 2017

Kingdom Suffering

Reflecting on 7 years of blogging, which also means 7 years of chronic pain

Many of the narratives Amore and I are taking in right now include the motif of time travel. Specifically, the characters in these stories are tempted by the desire to travel back in time to change the action they most regret or avert the greatest sorrow of their lives: to prevent a tragic death or the incarceration of a parent, to take future medicine back to a grave illness it could cure, or to stay in or end a relationship.

Sometimes they succeed in changing the one thing they thought would change everything, but it doesn't. More often, they do alleviate the regret or prevent the sorrow, only to realize they succeeded, but to their loss or to the harm of the people around them. They discover the pain they loathed was responsible for some of the best things in their character or relationships. The pain, though no less painful, becomes purposeful and ennobling.

This strikes me as a shadow of Truth lingering in our culture's secular mythology. It interests me that even people who don't know the Lord recognize that trials have a purpose and can do good work in us, even through very evil and broken circumstances.

Looking at the many intensely painful trials in our families right now or at the ones we've passed through in the 7 years of this blog, there have been so many times about so many of the things when I have wished I would lessen or remove the pain. I'm glad in the Lord that I can't act on that temptation. As hard as it is to suffer in my body or relationships or in the suffering of my dearest loved ones (or all of the preceding), by faith and God's Word I know that to remove those trials would be to our eternal loss.

Suffering is a blessing for those in Christ. It is an uncomfortable, sometimes excruciating blessing, to be sure, but still, in the eternal scheme of things, a blessing. For the Christian, it has a purpose and is part of the "all things" God causes to work together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Rom. 8:28). From Scripture and my experience, here are some of the blessings buried in suffering, blessings which do not come to us any other way, blessings to us, to God's church, to the lost, and to His glory.

Suffering is a chisel to conform me to the image of Christ and bring me to maturity:
  • Suffering increases dependence on God through desperate circumstances. As Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth often says, "Anything that makes us desperate for God is a blessing." Nothing makes us desperate like affliction. The apostle Paul experienced this benefit of suffering during a sojourn in Asia. He wrote to the Corinthian church, "For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again" (2 Cor. 1:8-10).
  • Suffering can increase the believer's knowledge of Christ in the fellowship of His sufferings (Phil. 3:10). Many times in telling the story of my first season of brokenness, I have said that I wouldn't take a million dollars to go through it again, but I wouldn't give a million dollars for the growth in knowing Christ and His Word received through that time. Sadly, in the hardness of our hearts, sometimes we must arrive at the place where Christ is all we have before we realize that He is all we need and the One Thing above all others we want.
  • Suffering, for me, has increased my assurance that the ministry I do is through His grace and strength (1 Peter 4:10-11). This is always true for all of us, of course, but my weaknesses make it obvious. Because of my health issues, if He doesn't enable me, it won't happen. Any "yes" I say to ministry is sincerely, "Lord willing and the creek don't rise." Yet "God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work" (2 Cor 9:8). He always gives me enough grace at the right time to serve in the ways He wants. My frequent prayers in this regard are, "I can't do this; will You please help me?" and "Show up and show off, Lord."
  • Suffering increases perseverance and, ultimately, hope. "Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us" (Romans 5:3-5). Suffering strengthens our faith muscles to grow our endurance and our hope in the unseen good we groan to see (Romans 8:18-25).
  • Suffering deflates pride (2 Cor. 12:7-10). For more on this, see "The Gift of Thorns" from the archives of this blog.

In addition, suffering is a means of growing the body of Christ toward maturity:
  • Those whose help I need have an opportunity to serve, and to do so without fanfare or reciprocation. As much as this weighs on me as the one in need of help, friends and family have pointed out that "all things for good" applies to the other people affected by my limitations as well as to myself. By serving me cheerfully in the Lord's strength, they serve the Lord, and He will not forget that.

    Service is a spiritual gift and a general command. People in need are the opportunity to exercise that gift and love through serving. "As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen" (1 Peter 4:9-11).
  • Those who pray can grow closer to Christ through prayer and in character as they faithfully execute that hidden ministry in the secret place of communion with the Lord.  Moreover, thanksgiving is multiplied as we all see God's answers. The verse following the previously cited 2 Cor. 1 passage says this: "You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many" (2 Cor. 1:11). Prayer is real spiritual work and an opportunity to amplify the chorus of thanksgiving to the God who hears and answers in His best way.
  • Those who watch may have their faith encouraged as they watch suffering in faith, as I have in watching Joni or Gitz or Vaneetha or Kara Tippetts or Amy Carmichael or those in my own local church who walk courageously through cancer or disability. Their stories continue to build the testimonies of the great cloud of witnesses proclaiming with their lives that Jesus is better, that Jesus is worth present suffering, that His kingdom is better than the best this world has to offer (Hebrews 11:1-12:2). These testimonies grow my love for God and strengthen me to trust the Lord with my own afflictions. May it be so with yours and mine, too.
  • Those who also suffer feel safe confiding their sufferings to one who suffers. Seeking the Lord in our suffering is the unique and necessary training ground for offering comfort to other sufferers: "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God" (2 Cor. 1:3-4). Experiencing God's comfort in our own suffering gives us something to offer hurting people, makes us more approachable to them, and enhances our credibility when we must speak uncomfortable truths from God's Word that will help them get through their hard time. Do also note that we need not have suffered in the same way as the person we seek to comfort. So rich and multifaceted is the comfort given by the Father of mercies that His comfort makes us "able to comfort those in any affliction."

Third, suffering can open doors to share the gospel with the lost:
  • Suffering is a means of bringing us into close contact with people we may not have met otherwise. Paul the apostle wrote more than once of his prison chains as no hindrance to the gospel and even called himself "an ambassador in chains" (Eph. 6:19-20; Phil. 1:12-14). Paul was in chains, but God's Word could not be (2 Tim. 2:9-10). Furthermore, it was because of a physical illness that Paul preached the gospel to the Galatians (Gal 4:13-14).
  • Suffering strikes believers and unbelievers alike; when the lost world sees a difference in the way Christians suffer, sometimes they want to know why. With all prayerful effort, I seek to be kind to my doctors and pharmacists, to care about them as people, and to watch for doors the Lord opens to share the gospel with them. Amore's coworkers are aware of the trials his family is going through this year, and they know the demands my illness place on him. Not many among them know the Lord, but they are watching to see how he responds to these afflictions. They see how he takes care of me, and perhaps, someday, the Lord will cause them to ask him the reason for his hope. Unsaved family members see how we weather griefs and sorrows as well. May the Lord make them curious enough to ask, and may He open their hearts to believe. Our part is to pray for open doors and bold words and to be ready to give the reason for our hope (1 Peter 3:15; Col. 4:3; Eph. 6:18-20).

Finally, suffering is a means of glorifying God in the heavenly realms:
  • Consider His servant Job. Satan's core strategy with him was to strip all earthly blessings from him until he cursed God to his face. One of his continuing strategies with us is to attack us at the place of our faith and to undermine our confidence in the wisdom, goodness, and trustworthiness of God.

    Every time we look at the hard and look back up to God in faith to bless His name, He receives glory and Satan is put to shame. Lifting up that shield of faith extinguishes the flaming arrows of the evil one (Eph. 6:16). Suffering is fundamentally a spiritual battle more than a medical, financial, or relational one, and the spiritual victory is more important than any circumstantial victory of relief of adversity.

    When we, like Job, say or sing, "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord" (Job 1:21), the Lord is honored and Satan defeated in the skirmish. When we, by His own grace, say, "Though he slay me, I will hope in him" (Job 13:15), we add our own voice to the cloud of witnesses to Jesus' worthiness.
  • Consider also Satan's limits. As with Job and with Peter. he cannot touch us with suffering unless the Lord grants permission (Job 1Luke 22:31-32). The same Lord who tells the ocean waves, "Thus far, and no farther," sets the boundaries on Satan's access to us. Satan is a roaring lion, yes, but he's a lion on a leash.

    As Peter wrote, "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen" (1 Peter 5:8-11).

    Our Shepherd is stronger, and our Shepherd is good. If He permits the enemy to touch us with pain and loss, that is for our good. We can trust Him with this, whatever our particular "this" is.

This is not an essay on how to suffer well. I stumble too often to write such a post. It is instead a post seeking to shine a light on the meaning of our suffering. Dear crumble, your pain is not random; it is the yoke, the cross-beam, specially fitted for you by a Father who loves you and is making you like His Son. As Joni says, "God permits what He hates to accomplish what He loves." Your pain is not meaningless; you have the opportunity to suffer for the name and kingdom of God, and that opportunity is only yours for a little while, in this life. When that kingdom comes in all its fullness, there will be no more crying or pain, and He will wipe every tear from our eyes. Your pain is not forever and will end in resurrection wholeness. If you are in Christ, your story has a happy ending, and it will be worth all we went through on the journey. He promises (John 16:20-22; 1 Peter 1:6-7).

Thanks be to God for the uncomfortable gift of suffering and for His faithfulness to preserve my faith in the midst of it so far. Thank you, crumbles, for helping me through your prayers and encouragement. May the Lord strengthen and encourage all of us, dear crumbles, to bless His name when He gives and when He takes away. Even in the taking away, He gives. Nothing can touch us unless He appoints it for our good and His glory. We can trust the Lord with this, because of Jesus the Crucified and Risen One. Amen.

Love Through Me, Love of God

For from him and through him and to him are all things.
To him be glory forever. Amen.
Romans 11:36, ESV

Love through me, Love of God,
   There is no love in me;
O Fire of love, light Thou the love
   That burns perpetually.

Flow through me, Peace of God,
   Calm river flow until
No wind can blow, no current stir
   A ripple of self-will.

Shine through me, Joy of God,
   Make me like Thy clear air
That Thou dost pour Thy colours through,
   As though it were not there.

O blessed Love of God,
   That all may taste and see
How good Thou art, once more I pray,
   Love through me, even me.

~Amy Carmichael, Edges of His Ways, August 1

Today is the 7th anniversary of this blog. The reflective post I'm working on isn't ready yet, so I thought I'd share this prayer-poem which captures so well my desire for the Lord's glory to shine through me, whether here or in "real" life. Thank you for your kindness and grace in reading, commenting, and praying. Grace and peace to you in Jesus!

Under His wings,

Monday, July 31, 2017

Our Always-and-Everywhere Home

"Always and everywhere we may find our dwelling-place in God, who has been the home, and refuge, and abiding-place of His people in all generations.

Always and everywhere we may retreat into Him from the windy storm and tempest.

Always and everywhere we may make His nature not only our fortress and strong-tower, but our oratory, our temple.

May the Holy Spirit make real to each of us this possibility of living in the house of the Lord hourly and daily;
where all tears are wiped as soon as shed;
whither cares cannot invade;
and where the Good Shepherd leads His flock ever into green pastures so that they cannot hunger,
and beside still waters so that they cannot thirst;
and in cool deep glens,
so that the sun cannot smite by day nor the moon by night!
Heaven before we reach heaven!"
(F. B. Meyer, The Shepherd Psalm, Kindle Location 1118, formatting mine)

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Never Forget

Mississippi Kite

Never forget the cost
at which your brightest moments
have been made possible.

(F. B. Meyer, The Shepherd Psalm, Kindle location 889)

Thursday, July 13, 2017

Absolutely Under His Care

"Oh, timid hearts, dreading every spiritual and temporal evil—like children going down a dark lane in dread lest at every turn they should meet some terrible ogre or object of dread; startled by the sigh of every breeze, and by the whitened bole of every hollow tree—would that you could realize how absolutely Christ assumes the care of all who trust Him!

"The myriad stars of heaven seem to make up one huge flock. Their Shepherd is God, who is driving them through space; or who watches them, as it were, resting on the heavenly slopes as a flock of sheep on the downs at night. And He has a name for each of them. Is it therefore to be supposed that He will not be as minute in His care of each one of us? Will He not have a name for each of us? Will He not number us when He tells the tale of His sheep, even as He numbers the hairs of our heads? This very morn He touched you with His staff and counted you. You are the destined object of His care. Is it likely then that He will suffer you to perish, or want any good thing?"

F. B.Meyer, The Shepherd Psalm, Kindle Location 585, 608

Monday, July 10, 2017

Full Fountain of Joy

"Remember, O my soul,
It is thy duty and privilege to rejoice in God:
He requires it of thee for all his favours of grace.
Rejoice then in the giver and his goodness,
Be happy in him, O my heart, and in nothing but God,
   for whatever a man trusts in,
   from that he expects happiness.

"He who is the ground of thy faith
   should be the substance of thy joy.
Whence then come heaviness and dejection,
   when joy is sown in thee,
   promised by the Father,
   bestowed by the Son,
   inwrought by the Holy Spirit,
   thine by grace,
   thy birthright in believing?

"...Let God be all in all to thee,
   and joy in the fountain that is always full."

~"A Colloquy on Rejoicing," The Valley of Vision, 153

This post was scheduled more than a week ago. I had no way of knowing then that on the publication date we would be counting the final days of a family member's cancer battle. I considered rescheduling the post for some later date; however, these words are still just as true, though incongruous with today's emotions. Only joy in and from God never disappoints. When He is our trust, He can give joy even in the midst of sorrow and grief.

Thank you, kind crumbles, for lifting Amore's family in prayer this week. It's been quite a hard year. To quote C. S. Lewis, "We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be" (Letters to an American Lady). 

Thursday, July 6, 2017

The Gift Nobody Wants

Before me rests a package, a gift.
The tag clearly reads my name,
But what a gift:
Wrapped in sandpaper,
Encrusted with glittering bits of broken glass,
Bound carefully with a bow of thorns and brambles.

Who wants to open such a gift?

Yet the tag reads just as clearly,
“From your heavenly Father.”
He is good;
He does good.
Will I trust Him enough to accept the abrasions, the lacerations,
The wounds this gift will cost?
Or will I refuse, rebel, reject?

Trust Me, He says.
The treasure is worth the pain,
More than worth it.
The momentary, light affliction
Of opening your gift
Is opening to you an eternal weight of glory
As far beyond comparison with the pain
As hyperbole times hyperbole.

Knowing Christ in the power of His resurrection
Requires learning to know Him in communion with His suffering,
Yet the knowledge gained surpasses the preciousness
Of a thousand-carat diamond,
A hundred-pound pearl.

He took the sharpest thorns,
The roughest edges,
The bloodiest brambles.
Will I trust Him by receiving His gift?

If there’s any other way to claim the treasure, Lord,
Rewrap it in soft leather,
In satin ribbon.
If not,
Thy will be done.

“These little troubles (which are really so transitory) are winning for us a permanent, glorious and solid reward out of all proportion to our pain. For we are looking all the time not at the visible things but at the invisible. The visible things are transitory: it is the invisible things that are really permanent” (2 Cor. 4:17-18, J.B. Phillips New Testament).

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Finding Our Way Home

As of today we've been in our new house 2 months. After initially feeling like long-term housesitting, it has begun to feel like home. Ebony settled in as soon as his beds and people were all here (although he's still learning where "his territory" ends in the front yard). After a few weeks, the birds found our feeders. The cardinals, chickadees, and woodpecker prefer the front. The finches and sparrows battle for spots in the back. No hummingbirds have come yet.

The Lord gave friends, family, and professionals to help with the move. Prayers were answered with "exceedingly abundantly beyond" grace for my body to cope with the move and for safety for those who helped. That has not translated into lasting healing for the currently active pain areas, but we were unspeakably grateful for the timely reprieve. We welcome your continued prayers for my health and mobility. This hasn't been a good pain week, but we give thanks for three other recent check-ups going well, especially for no recurrence of skin cancer so far.

Activity level moving week... Since the bursitis hit in February, I've been struggling to hit 5,000 steps per day. The Lord gave abundant grace.

All the boxes have been unpacked, except for 2 boxes of pictures we still need to hang. We are slowly working away at the immediate projects the house requires. Ebony still needs to go in the pool at least once so he knows how to get out. We're not sure when I'll be able to get myself in and out, but after we install a ramp from the patio down to the deck next week, I'll at least be able to get to the pool level more easily. The naming process for the new place is a work in progress.

Last week I drove to "our" pond in the old neighborhood. It felt different. I was a visitor and didn't seem to belong there the way I used to. Amore says this is good and means I'm settling into the new place. It was unsettling, but he's right. One must let go of the old to lay hold of the new.

What has really begun to turn this house into a home, though, has been the presence of family. We have hosted my parents for Mother's Day, all the local family for Memorial Day and Father's Day, and my youngest nephews for some babysitting and lots of pool time with their mama, Terza. In the parlance of Amore's family, all this makes my happy pooch out. Mezzo will be back in Texas soon, and then all my family and one of Amore's sisters (who helped greatly with moving the kitchen) will have seen the new place.

For distant family and any of the rest of you who would like to see some "memorial stones" from our first two months here, here you go. Thank you for your prayers. The Lord has been gracious to us, and we praise His name.

Naptime cancelled because of 100% chance of excessive cuteness

Sassy sister cracking wise

Ebony welcoming a nephew into the pack

Lots of mosquitoes, but also lots of dragonflies

Downy woodpecker

Juvenile cardinal

Never any shortage of squirrels

Keeping an eye on the swimmers but sticking close to me

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Praying for God's Greatest Gift

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us.  And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him (1 John 5:14-15, ESV).

Tufted Titmouse

"I have been thinking to-day of the kind of prayer that sooner or later we must learn to pray for one another. We must learn to pray far more for spiritual victory than for protection from battle-wounds, relief from their havoc, rest from their pain. We must reach the place where we bend all our prayers that way, or (for I do want to be honest) our chief prayers. Love cannot be without longing to shield and to relieve, and love is of God, so we may be at rest about this inseparable instinct and quality of love, for Love understands.

"Looking back, I know that I have often put the lesser first in my prayers for my beloveds. I see now that we cannot enter into the fulness of the confidence of 1 John 5:14,15 and say without any shade of mental reservation, 'We know that we have', unless our prayer is for God's greatest gift—spiritual triumph. This triumph is not deliverance from, but victory in, trial, and that not intermittent but perpetual."

~Amy Carmichael, Edges of His Ways, 92 (punctuation and spelling hers)

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Never a Raw Deal

"Often during the hard situations in life, we look for answers in 'why,' but the answers aren't found in the why, they are found in the who. God is sovereign, He knows and cares about our every circumstance, and His grace is sufficient to handle it all. God knows why, and that should be enough for us. We need to learn to say, 'I don't know the "why," but l do know the "who." And I know that God is infinitely wise, infinitely loving, and infinitely good; and on that day when we meet Him face to face not one of us will look at Him and say, 'You gave me a raw deal.'"

~Dr. John Hannah, Dallas Theological Seminary professor

Thursday, June 22, 2017

A Bit Much {A Poem}

Youngest nephew's drawing of our new backyard: I am standing by the pool taking pictures. :)
My youngest nephew asked me once,
“Aunt Tina, why do you always take
So many pictures
All the time?”

Taken by surprise,
I answered,
“I don’t know.
It makes me happy,
I guess.
Does it bother you?”

Looking up from his toy trucks,
He nodded.
“It’s a bit much.”

When editing a hundred—
Or two or five or ten—photos,
I remember that.
I have a better answer now.

“Photos preserve memories,
Those wispy things
More fragile than spiders’ webs,
As fragile as soap bubbles
You try to hold in your hand.

“Photos multiply happiness.
When happy things happen,
We feel happy.
When I look at pictures of happy things,
I feel happy again,
Like I did when the happy thing happened the first time.

“Photos retie knots of love.
Bodies are a little less fragile than memories,
But we fade like a flower in hot sun.
The older we get,
The more we say good-bye.
Pictures draw lost loved ones near again.

Bright and young and sheltered as he is,
He wouldn’t understand that now,
But years of life will take their toll.
The Lord will give,
And the Lord will take away.

Perhaps then he will see these words
Or those photos,
And he will remember,
And relive past happinesses,
And feel closer to his auntie
Who used to take so many pictures
All the time.

(She’s a bit much.)

Perhaps he will pick up a camera of his own,
And when the young ones ask,
He will know better than I did
Why he does it.

Friday, June 16, 2017

Acceptance, Peace, Still

For more on Amy Carmichael and suffering, see an earlier post, "Rose from Brier." 

He said, “I will forget the dying faces;
The empty places—
They shall be filled again.
O voices moaning deep within me, cease.”
  But vain the word; vain, vain:
  Not in forgetting lieth peace.

He said, “I will crowd action upon action;
The strife of faction
Shall stir me and sustain.
O tears that drown the fire of manhood, cease.”
  But vain the word; vain, vain:
  Not in endeavor lieth peace.

He said, “I will withdraw me and be quiet;
Why meddle in life’s riot?
Shut be my door to pain.
Desire, thou dost befool me; thou shalt cease.”
  But vain the word; vain, vain:
  Not in aloofness lieth peace.

He said, “I will submit; I am defeated.
God hath depleted
My life of its rich gain.
O futile murmurings, why will ye not cease?”
  But vain the word; vain, vain:
  Not in submission lieth peace.

He said, “I will accept the breaking sorrow
Which God tomorrow
Will to His son explain.”
Then did the turmoil deep within him cease.
  Not vain the word, not vain;
  For in acceptance lieth peace.

~from Amy Carmichael, Mountain Breezes: The Collected Poems of Amy Carmichael, p.293

Monday, June 12, 2017

"I Look Not Back"

I look not back; God knows the fruitless efforts,
The wasted hours, the sinning, the regrets.
I leave them all with Him who blots the record,
And graciously forgives, and then forgets.

I look not forward; God sees all the future,
The road that, short or long, will lead me home,
And He will face with me its every trial,
And bear for me the burdens that may come.

I look not round me; then would fears assail me,
So wild the tumult of earth's restless seas,
So dark the world, so filled with woe and evil,
So vain the hope of comfort and of ease.

I look not inward; that would make me wretched;
For I have naught on which to stay my trust.
Nothing I see save failures and shortcomings,
And weak endeavors, crumbling into dust.

But I look up--into the face of Jesus,
For there my heart can rest, my fears are stilled;
And there is joy, and love, and light for darkness,
And perfect peace, and every hope fulfilled.


Tuesday, June 6, 2017


“Never has it been so easy to live in half a dozen harmless worlds at once — art, music, social science, games, motoring, the following of some profession, and so on. And between them we run the risk of drifting about, the good hiding the best.

“It is easy to find out whether our lives are focused, and if so, where the focus lies. Where do our thoughts settle when consciousness comes back in the morning? Where do they swing back when the pressure is off during the day? Dare to have it out with God, and ask Him to show you whether or not all is focused on Christ and His Glory….

“Turn your soul’s vision to Jesus, and look and look at Him, and a strange dimness will come over all that is apart from Him….  For ‘He is worthy’ to have all there is to be had in the heart that He has died to win.”

Lilias Trotter (1853-1928), missionary to North Africa

Friday, May 26, 2017

No "If's"

"What if?" is a common but pointless question that arises when I listen to myself instead of talking to myself. Maybe you know what that's like? Usually for me such second-guessing leads to imagining how some specific uncomfortable circumstance would be (in my finite, biased imaginings) less uncomfortable if this or that action had been different:

  • "If that medication had come on schedule..."
  • "If we had waited a little longer..."
  • "If we had not waited so long and missed that opportunity..."
  • "If I had stuck it out in that job/degree/church/relationship..."
  • "If I had acted (or not) on that intuition..."
  • "If I had only known..."

It may be some small mark of progress that I at least recognize the futility of the exercise now.

On a recent reread of Corrie ten Boom's classic The Hiding Place, this brief passage took my breath away, and the Lord brings it back to mind often when I start to ruminate in that unhelpful "what if?" direction. May He bless this crumb to your soul's nourishment too.

The scene occurs in the ten Boom family home in Haarlem, in the Netherlands, during the German occupation of Holland during World War II.

The Germans had repaired the bomb damage to the airport and were using it now as a base for air raids against England. Night after night we lay in bed listening to the growl of engines heading west. Occasionally English planes retaliated and then the German fighters might intercept them right over Haarlem.
One night I tossed for an hour while dogfights raged overhead, streaking my patch of sky with fire. At last I heard Betsie stirring in the kitchen and ran down to join her. 
She was making tea. She brought it into the dining room where we had covered the windows with heavy black paper and set out the best cups. Somewhere in the night there was an explosion; the dishes in the cupboard rattled. For an hour we sipped our tea and talked, until the sound of planes died away and the sky was silent. I said goodnight to Betsie at the door to Tante Jans's rooms and groped my way up the dark stairs to my own. The fiery light was gone from the sky. I felt for my bed: there was the pillow. Then in the darkness my hand closed over something hard. Sharp too! I felt blood trickle along a finger.
It was a jagged piece of metal, ten inches long.
I raced down the stairs with the shrapnel shard in my hand. We went back to the dining room and stared at it in the light while Betsie bandaged my hand. "On your pillow," she kept saying.
"Betsie, if I hadn't heard you in the kitchen--"
But Betsie put a finger on my mouth. "Don't say it, Corrie! There are no 'if's' in God's world. And no places that are safer than other places. The center of His will is our only safety--O Corrie, let us pray that we may always know it!" (The Hiding Place, 66-67).
For the ten Boom family, the center of God's will was not safe as we humans define safety. God's safety does not mean absence of danger or pain. Corrie lost her beloved Betsie and their father in concentration camps. Yet they were safe in that they were hidden with Christ in God, and nothing could separate them from His love. They were safe in that none of the terrible things they suffered were beyond God's providence and ability to turn them for good. Even the fleas in their barracks proved a means of blessing. They came to know the Lord and His Word better in the concentration camp than they had in their cozy and loving home in Haarlem. They were safe because the Lord is good, whether we can recognize it or not, and His steadfast love endures forever. He is worthy of our trust, though it be through tears.

Blessed be His name.

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Memorial Stones: Words Like River Boulders

When Yahweh parts the flood and a nation walks through on dry ground,
nothing wet but the priests' feet,
When granola bars and sardines become a feast with 12 doggy bags,
When stone and slingshot slay a giant,
I heap up words like river boulders,
memorials of God's mighty hand and outstretched arm.
His love endures forever.

I heap up words to remember,
Lest, not remembering, I forget
And, forgetting, drift
Back to slavery of burdened unbelief.

When God's people are the giants put to flight by few,
When the handful of flour and bit of oil run out, yet famine does not lift,
When waves swamp the boat and still He sleeps,
When very God bleeds on a cross and angels of deliverance do not come,
Those heaped-up words like river boulders,
memorials of God's mighty hand and outstretched arm,
they remind me:
His love endures forever.

from the archives, March 2011

Monday, May 15, 2017

Qualifying for Grace

 For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—  but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:6-8).

European Starling

“Remember Martin Luther’s way of cutting the devil’s head off with his own sword. ‘Oh,’ said the devil to Martin Luther, ‘you are a sinner.’ ‘Yes,’ said Luther, ‘Christ died to save sinners.’ Thus he smote him with his own sword. Hide in this refuge and stay there: ‘In due time Christ died for the ungodly.’ If you stand on that truth, your blasphemous thoughts, which you do not have the strength to drive away, will go away by themselves, for Satan will see that he is achieving nothing by plaguing you with them.”
Charles Spurgeon, All Is Grace, p. 77

“That which is necessary to salvation is not continuous thought but a simple reliance upon Jesus. Hold onto this one fact: ‘In due time Christ died for the ungodly.’ This truth will not require you to do any deep research or profound reasoning or convincing argument. There it stands: ‘In due time Christ died for the ungodly.’ Fix your mind on that, and rest there.

Let this one great, gracious, glorious fact lie in your spirit until it permeates all your thoughts and makes you rejoice even though you are without strength. Rejoice that the Lord Jesus has become your strength and your song—He has become your salvation. According to the Scriptures, it is a revealed fact that in due time Christ died for the ungodly when they were yet without strength. Maybe, you have heard these words hundreds of times, and yet you have never before perceived their meaning. There is a wonderful thing about them. Jesus did not die for our righteousness, but He died for our sins. He did not come to save us because we were worth saving, but because we were utterly worthless, ruined, and undone. He did not come to earth out of any reason that was in us, but solely and only because of the reasons which He took from the depths of His own divine love.

“In due time Jesus died for those whom He describes not as godly but as ungodly, describing them with as hopeless an adjective as He could have selected. Even if you think little, fasten your mind to this truth, for it is fitted to the smallest capacity and is able to cheer the heaviest heart. Let this text lie under your tongue like a sweet morsel till it dissolves into your heart and flavors all your thoughts.”
Charles Spurgeon, All Is Grace, pp.71-72, emphasis mine