How Happy We Would Be

 Written ~2002 when my family went to a baseball game and chronic illness kept me home with my dog

           

Once there was a little Johnny Jump-up with a gold and violet face. All day long he hung his head and sighed, “Oh me, oh my. Oh my, oh me. If only I were tall and elegant like the rose, how happy I would be!”

On a trellis nearby grew a tall, slender climbing rose with petals like the flush of a baby’s cheek. All day long she hung her head and sighed, “Oh me, oh my. Oh my, oh me. If only I were strong and useful like the apple tree, how happy I would be.”

Overhead arched the strong limbs of the apple tree, laden with sweet red fruit. All day long he drooped his branches and sighed, “Oh me, oh my. Oh my, oh me. If only I had a cozy nest and a family to love like the robin, how happy I would be.”

In its branches lived a little robin redbreast, hovering over her nest of speckled blue eggs. All day long she hung her head and sighed, “Oh me, oh my. Oh my, oh me. If only I were free to soar into the sky like the eagle, how happy I would be.”

Aloft soared the eagle, alone and splendid. All day long he hung his head and sighed, “Oh me, oh my. Oh my, oh me. If only I could fly into heaven itself like the angels, how happy I would be.”

In the heavens themselves, the angels went about serving God and His children among men. One sad angel hung his head and sighed, “Oh me, oh my. Oh my, oh me. If only I could reign like God, with all things serving me, how happy I would be!”



“O foolish, rebel creature!” said God. “There is no God but Me. Away with you into the outer darkness!”

“As for you, silly eagle, “said the Lord, “If you flew into heaven, who would show the new strength I promise and the heights to which I call My people?”

“As for you, little robin,” said the Lord, “If you soared like the eagle, who would show forth My tender care and provision for the smallest of My creatures?”

“As for you, mighty tree,” said the Lord, “If you nested and nurtured like the robin, who would bring forth sweet fruit for the strength and joy of My people?”

“As for you, precious rose,” said the Lord, “If you grew tall and thick like the apple tree, who would show the world both the beauty and the pain of life in this sinful world?”

“As for you, tiny flower,” said the Lord, “If you were tall and elegant like the rose, who would make men smile and forget their worries in the beauty I lavish on the very ground they tread?”

“O foolish creatures! If you would only stop fretting over what you are not and enter into My joy in making you as you are, how happy you would be!”

Thou Art the Same God {Encore}

Swallow at the pond

 I.                    The God of my yesterdays:  memorial stones

YOU WERE

The Lion,

Whose pursuit struck terror

In my runaway heart

Until my legs crumpled in exhaustion,

And You picked me up with velvet paws

And whispered in my ear

That You were shorn and slain,

The Lion a Lamb

For this black sheep.

 

YOU WERE

The Lion,

Who carried me on Your back

Through labyrinthine doctrines,

Hedged about with cliffs and shadows,

Into Your truth and love.

You opened Your book

And told me Your story,

My story.

The Lion a Shepherd,

Teaching me to trust You.

 

YOU WERE

A Lion still,

And bared Your claws to wound me,

Drops of tears and blood

Commingling in the pain

Until my legs crumpled beneath me,

And You picked me up with velvet paws

And whispered in my ear

That only weakness draws all eyes

To Your radiant strength.

 

II.                 The God of my today: 

darkened, not distant

YOU ARE

Not a tame Lion. . .

“Of course, not safe, but good. . .”

“Both good and terrible at the same time. . .”

Thou art good,

And doest good;

Teach me Thy commandments.

 

YOU ARE

The Lion who has torn me to pieces,

And then. . . what?

Forsaken me?

Megenoito![1]

“I will never leave you or forsake you.”

In wrath, remember mercy!

“Thou art the same Lord,

whose property is always to have mercy.”

 

YOU ARE

Sometimes hidden,

Never absent,

The Lion in the fog

Between the path and the abyss.

You hem me in, behind and before;

Your love has laid hold of me

And will not let me go.

“I AM; do not be afraid.”

I fear no evil,

For YOU ARE.

III.               The God of my tomorrow:

Preparing a place for me

YOU WILL BE

God of tomorrow—

There,

Red Sea impossibilities,

Wilderness wastelands,

“This cup,

this bitter cup. . .

You have given it;

How can I refuse?”

Valley of the shadow. . . .

You are there,

Will be there,

Faithful in my faithlessness.

 

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow

Lie ahead,

Mist-enshrouded,

Nothing certain but uncertainty.

One thing sure:

YOU WILL BE THERE,

The Lion

Driving out my enemies,

Making the wilderness

Your castle.

 

Around the corner of my tomorrows. . .

YOU WILL BE THERE,

Promising Tomorrowland,

When “all will be right,

When Aslan comes. . .”

Wedding dress for widow’s weeds,

Love songs for funeral dirges,

Beauty for ashes,

Mourning into dancing. . . .

Dancing,

No more hindered by these

Wooden legs,

Broken wings.

Farther up and farther in. . .

YOU WILL BE,

YOU ARE THERE.

---

[1] Greek, “May it never be!”

Debutantes’ Ball: Texas Spring

 

Bradford Pear Blossoms

Texas Bluebonnets

Redbud in Bloom

Daffodil trumpets sound the invitation:

Dowagers Bradford first to arrive,

Proper, benevolent chaperones in their lacy caps.

Belles in blue bonnets crowd the dance floor,

Shy primroses blushing in their shadows.

Purple-haired redbuds shake their heads in dismay:

Crazy young-uns,

Flaunting their newfangled fashions

As though winter’s shabbiness

Had never been.

Keeping His Vows {From the Archives}

There's a different essay I wanted to write for today, but it will have to wait for another time. Instead, in honor of my Amore's birthday, please enjoy this but from the archives. This is from the blog's earliest days, but he's still here and still providing for my needs... new diagnoses, a surgery per year, always reaching our out-of-pocket maximum on health insurance, and all the other joys of chronic illness. Thanks be to God that I can sometimes travel now (or could, before COVID) with a lot of extra planning and baggage, and for the time being I can do the laundry and most errands, and I'm able to resume some of the household chores. Autoimmune disease means we know this isn't likely to last, but I'm grateful for a bit more strength for now. God's grace is sufficient.

Happy birthday, Amore! Many, many happy returns of the day. 🤗

Friday at the doctor, when the appointment was all over but the bloodletting, I stood at the nurse's counter waiting for my prescriptions. I cracked a joke, and she laughed and said it was good to see me smiling. It's comforting to see the same nurse and receptionist at every appointment for nearly a decade. Safe. Known.

"Things are better than they were," I said. "Still not pain-free, but better. We're trying one more medication change. It would be really nice if that took me the rest of the way, but..." I shrugged. "Rest is good, too."

"Plus, God has blessed me with a husband who is committed to taking care of me, even when that means doing the things I can't."

She noticed the smile wobbling, looked into my eyes, and quietly said, "He's keeping his vows, Christina. That's what he's doing; he's keeping his vows."


Yes. Yes, he is. That's the kind of man he is, the kind of family which raised him.

It is humbling to receive such faithful love. I neither take it for granted nor deserve it. That's how grace is.

My closest friend from high school has a different chronic illness from mine. Years before I had even met Allen, I stood beside her at her wedding. The vows I witnessed, the "in sickness and in health," grew burdensome on her husband's shoulders. Now she carries the burden of earning a living in addition to that of her health problems. It is humbling to remember that Allen's faithfulness is a choice, a daily decision, and not always the easy one.

There is humility in the keeping of the vows, as well, in the placing of God's will before self, in the living sacrifice of "as You wish"--as the Lord wishes, first; as the beloved wishes, second. I recognize humility in the way Allen helps with the laundry, the errands, the dishes; the accepting extra weekend duties without complaint; the submission of his vocational dreams to my need for stability and health insurance; the relinquishing of vacations and peregrinations until I can go, too. He hasn't yet been required literally to wash my feet, yet he does so every day through his service to me.

He will shrug off these words, echo the nurse, "Just keeping my vows," but that "just" reminds me of Jesus.

A Psalm of Thanksgiving

 Originally composed for our missionary prayer letter in November 2001; recently tweaked for 2021

A Psalm of Thanksgiving

 

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good;

               His loyal love always lasts.

Unchanging in His faithfulness;

               His loyal love always lasts.

 

At all times give thanks to Him;^[1]

               His loyal love always lasts.

In sleepless nights and busy days,

               His loyal love always lasts.

At mealtime and bedtime,

               His loyal love always lasts.

Weekdays and weekends,

               His loyal love always lasts.

 

For everything give thanks to Him;^[2]

               His loyal love always lasts.

For of Him, to Him, through Him it is;^[3]

               His loyal love always lasts.

For mosquitoes, ants, and fleas,

               His loyal love always lasts.

For pollution and traffic,

               His loyal love always lasts.

For bus-station puppies and morning glories,

               His loyal love always lasts.

For illness and uncertainty,

               His loyal love always lasts.

For roses and for thorns,

               His loyal love always lasts.

For past deliverances and present hope,

               His loyal love always lasts.

 

In word and deed give thanks to Him;^[4]

               His loyal love always lasts.

Writing a novel or a grocery list,

               His loyal love always lasts.

Cooking supper or cleaning commodes,

               His loyal love always lasts.

Building a house or pulling weeds,

               His loyal love always lasts.

Designing a webpage or filing insurance,

               His loyal love always lasts.

At battle or in surgery,

               His loyal love always lasts.

In Bible study and hymn-singing,

               His loyal love always lasts.

In work and in play,

               His loyal love always lasts.

 

For all people give thanks to Him;^[5]

               His loyal love always lasts.

For all His image-bearers, of Adam’s race,

               His loyal love always lasts.

For family most dear, for husband or wife,

               His loyal love always lasts.

For friends new and old,

               His loyal love always lasts.

For leaders wise and leaders foolish,

His loyal love always lasts.

For heroes and enemies,

               His loyal love always lasts.

For doctors, nurses, and lab technicians,

               His loyal love always lasts.

For pastors, elders, and deacons,

               His loyal love always lasts.

For waitresses and loving maids,

               His loyal love always lasts.

For difficult people like us ourselves,

               His loyal love always lasts.

 

In everything give thanks to Him;^[6]

               His loyal love always lasts.

In sickness and in health,

               His loyal love always lasts.

In war and in peace,

               His loyal love always lasts.

In sunshine and in storms,

               His loyal love always lasts.

In riches and in poverty,

               His loyal love always lasts.

In birth and in dying,

               His loyal love always lasts.

For better or for worse,

               His loyal love always lasts.

As long as life endures,

               His loyal love always lasts.

Forever and forever,

               His loyal love always lasts.

His loyal love always lasts.

               His loyal love always lasts.

 

---

[1] Eph 5:20

[2] Ibid.

[3] Rom 11:36

[4] Col 3:16

[5] 1 Tim 2:1-2

[6] 1 Thess 5:18; Phil 4:6

Kingdom Suffering {Reprise}

Many of the narratives Amore and I are taking in right now include the motif of time travel. In particular, the characters in these stories are tempted by the desire to travel back in time to change the action they most regret or avert the greatest sorrow of their lives: to prevent a tragic death or the incarceration of a parent, to take future medicine back to a grave illness it could cure, or to stay in or end a relationship.

Sometimes they succeed in changing the one thing they thought would change everything, but it doesn't. More often, they do alleviate the regret or prevent the sorrow, only to realize they succeeded to their loss or to the harm of the people around them. They discover the pain they loathed was responsible for some of the best things in their character or relationships. The pain, though no less painful, becomes purposeful and ennobling.

This strikes me as a shadow of Truth lingering in our culture's secular mythology. It interests me that even people who don't know the Lord recognize that trials have a purpose and can do good work in us, even through very evil and broken circumstances.

Looking at the intensely painful trials in our families right now or at the ones we've passed through in the11 years of this blog, there have been so many times about so many of the things when I have wished I could lessen or remove the pain. I'm glad in the Lord that I can't act on that temptation. As hard as it is to suffer in my body or relationships or in the suffering of my dearest loved ones (or all of the preceding), by faith and God's Word I know that to remove those trials would be to our eternal loss.

Suffering is a blessing for those in Christ. It is an uncomfortable, sometimes excruciating blessing, to be sure, but still, in the eternal scheme of things, a blessing. For the Christian, it has a purpose and is part of the "all things" God causes to work together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Rom. 8:28). From Scripture and my experience, here are some of the blessings buried in suffering, blessings which do not come to us any other way, blessings to us, to God's church, to the lost, and to His glory.

Suffering is a chisel to conform me to the image of Christ and bring me to maturity:

• Suffering increases dependence on God through desperate circumstances. As Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth often says, "Anything that makes us desperate for God is a blessing." Nothing makes us desperate like affliction. The apostle Paul experienced this benefit of suffering during a sojourn in Asia. He wrote to the Corinthian church, "For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again" (2 Cor. 1:8-10).
• Suffering can increase the believer's knowledge of Christ in the fellowship of His sufferings (Phil. 3:10). Many times in telling the story of my first season of brokenness, I have said that I wouldn't take a million dollars to go through it again, but I wouldn't give a million dollars for the growth in knowing Christ and His Word received through that time. Sadly, in the hardness of our hearts, sometimes we must arrive at the place where Christ is all we have before we realize that He is all we need and the One Thing above all others we want.
• Suffering, for me, has increased my assurance that the ministry I do is through His grace and strength (1 Peter 4:10-11). This is always true for all of us, of course, but my weaknesses make it obvious. Because of my health issues, if He doesn't enable me, it won't happen. Any "yes" I say to ministry is sincerely, "Lord willing and the creek don't rise." Yet "God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work" (2 Cor 9:8). He always gives me enough grace at the right time to serve in the ways He wants. My frequent prayers in this regard are, "I can't do this; will You please help me?" and "Show up and show off, Lord."
• Suffering increases perseverance and, ultimately, hope. "Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us" (Romans 5:3-5). Suffering strengthens our faith muscles to grow our endurance and our hope in the unseen good we groan to see (Romans 8:18-25).
• Suffering deflates pride (2 Cor. 12:7-10). For more on this, see "The Gift of Thorns" from the archives of this blog.

In addition, suffering is a means of growing the body of Christ toward maturity:

• Those whose help I need have an opportunity to serve, and to do so without fanfare or reciprocation. As much as this weighs on me as the one in need of help, friends and family have pointed out that "all things for good" applies to the other people affected by my limitations as well as to myself. By serving me cheerfully in the Lord's strength, they serve the Lord, and He will not forget that.
  
  Service is a spiritual gift and a general command. People in need are the opportunity to exercise that gift and love through serving. "As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen" (1 Peter 4:9-11).
• Those who pray can grow closer to Christ through prayer and in character as they faithfully execute that hidden ministry in the secret place of communion with the Lord.  Moreover, thanksgiving is multiplied as we all see God's answers. The verse following the previously cited 2 Cor. 1 passage says this: "You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many" (2 Cor. 1:11). Prayer is real spiritual work and an opportunity to amplify the chorus of thanksgiving to the God who hears and answers in His best way.
• Those who watch may have their faith encouraged as they watch suffering in faith, as I have in watching Joni or Gitz or Vaneetha or Kara Tippetts or Amy Carmichael or those in my own local church who walk courageously through cancer or disability. Their stories continue to build the testimonies of the great cloud of witnesses proclaiming with their lives that Jesus is better, that Jesus is worth present suffering, that His kingdom is better than the best this world has to offer (Hebrews 11:1-12:2). These testimonies grow my love for God and strengthen me to trust the Lord with my own afflictions. May it be so with yours and mine, too.
• Others who suffer feel safe confiding their sufferings to one who suffers. Seeking the Lord in our suffering is the unique and necessary training ground for offering comfort to other sufferers: "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God" (2 Cor. 1:3-4). Experiencing God's comfort in our own suffering gives us something to offer hurting people, makes us more approachable to them, and enhances our credibility when we must speak uncomfortable truths from God's Word that will help them get through their hard time. Do also note in that verse that we need not have suffered in the same way as the person we seek to comfort. So rich and multifaceted is the comfort given by the Father of mercies that His comfort makes us "able to comfort those in any affliction."

Third, suffering can open doors to share the gospel with the lost:

• Suffering is a means of bringing us into close contact with people we may not have met otherwise. Paul the apostle wrote more than once of his prison chains as no hindrance to the gospel and even called himself "an ambassador in chains" (Eph. 6:19-20; Phil. 1:12-14). Paul was in chains, but God's Word could not be (2 Tim. 2:9-10). Furthermore, it was because of a physical illness that Paul preached the gospel to the Galatians (Gal 4:13-14). Healthcare workers are my mission field instead of pastors' wives now.
• Suffering strikes believers and unbelievers alike; when the lost world sees a difference in the way Christians suffer, sometimes they want to know why. With all prayerful effort, I seek to be kind to my doctors and pharmacists, to care about them as people, and to watch for doors the Lord opens to share the gospel with them. Amore's coworkers are aware of the trials his family has endured in recent years, and they know the demands my illness place on him. They may not know the Lord, but they are watching to see how Amore responds to these afflictions. They see how he takes care of me, and perhaps, someday, the Lord will cause them to ask him the reason for his hope. Unsaved family members see how we weather griefs and sorrows as well. May the Lord make them curious enough to ask, and may He open their hearts to believe. Our part is to pray for open doors and bold words and to be ready to give the reason for our hope (1 Peter 3:15; Col. 4:3; Eph. 6:18-20).

Finally, suffering is a means of glorifying God in the heavenly realms:

• Consider His servant Job. Satan's core strategy with him was to strip all earthly blessings from him until he cursed God to his face. One of his continuing strategies with us is to attack us at the place of our faith and to undermine our confidence in the wisdom, goodness, and trustworthiness of God.
  
  Every time we look at the hard and look back up to God in faith to bless His name, He receives glory and Satan is put to shame. Lifting up that shield of faith extinguishes the flaming arrows of the evil one (Eph. 6:16). Suffering is fundamentally a spiritual battle even more than a medical, financial, or relational one, and the spiritual victory is more important than any circumstantial victory of relief of adversity.
  
  When we, like Job, say or sing, "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord" (Job 1:21), the Lord is honored and Satan defeated in the skirmish. When we, by His own grace, say, "Though he slay me, I will hope in him" (Job 13:15), we add our own voice to the cloud of witnesses to Jesus' worthiness.
• Consider also Satan's limits. As with Job and with Peter. he cannot touch us with suffering unless the Lord grants permission (Job 1; Luke 22:31-32). The same Lord who tells the ocean waves, "Thus far, and no farther," sets the boundaries on Satan's access to us. Satan is a roaring lion, yes, but he's a lion on a leash.
  
  As Peter wrote, "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen" (1 Peter 5:8-11).
  
  Our Shepherd is stronger, and our Shepherd is good. If He permits the enemy to touch us with pain and loss, that is for our good. We can trust Him with this, whatever our particular "this" is.

This is not an essay on how to suffer well. I stumble too often to write such a post. It is instead a post seeking to shine a light on the meaning of our suffering. Dear crumble, your pain is not random; it is the yoke, the cross-beam, specially fitted for you by a Father who loves you and is making you like His Son. As Joni says, "God permits what He hates to accomplish what He loves." Your pain is not meaningless; you have the opportunity to suffer for the name and kingdom of God, and that opportunity is only yours for a little while, in this life. When that kingdom comes in all its fullness, there will be no more crying or pain, and He will wipe every tear from our eyes. Your pain is not forever and will end in resurrection wholeness. If you are in Christ, your story has a happy ending, and it will be worth all we went through on the journey. He promises (John 16:20-22; 1 Peter 1:6-7).

Thanks be to God for the uncomfortable gift of suffering and for His faithfulness to preserve my faith in the midst of it so far. Thank you, crumbles, for helping me through your prayers and encouragement. May the Lord strengthen and encourage all of us, dear crumbles, to bless His name when He gives and when He takes away. Even in the taking away, He gives. Nothing can touch us unless He appoints it for our good and His glory. We can trust the Lord with this, because of Jesus the Crucified and Risen One. Amen.